A guy walks into a bar.
    Ouch.

Three strings arrive at a bar. The bar has a sign that clearly says, "No strings," but they decide to try anyway. The first string approaces the bartender and says, "Give me a drink!" The bartender says, "No, we don't serve stri ngs here." and sends him away. The second string decides that politeness is they key to success, so he walks up to the bartender and says, "Please, mister bartender, may I have a drink?" The bartender says, "No, we don't serve strings here." and sends h im away. The third string then has a sudden idea. He goes into the bathroom, messes up his hair, and tucks his head into his belt. He then walks up to the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. "Excuse me." says the bartender, "But are you a string? "
    The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A guy walks into a bar with a dog. "This dog is the smartest dog in the world." he says. "He can answer any question." "Oh yeah?" says one of the patrons. "Prove it!" The man turns to his dog, and asks, "What is over our head? " "Roof!" "How does bark feel?" "Ruff!" "Who is the greastest baseball player who ever lived?" "Ruth!" The patrons, growing tired of the show, throw the man and his dog out of the bar. The dog then turned to the man and asked, "Should I have said Joe Dimaggio?"

A man walks into a bar, and finds a friend of his nursing a very large drink. "Fred!" he says. "What is the matter?" Fred slowly looks up from his drink and says, "My wife of thirty years just ran off with my best friend." "But Fred!" exclaims the man. "I'm your best friend!" Fred turns back to his drink. "Not anymore."
    Credit Issac Asimov

A panda walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we don't serve pandas here." But the panda says "Just give me something to eat, and then I'll go." The bartender says "Oh, all right." So the panda eats the food that the bartend er gives him. So the bartender says, "OK, now you have to leave." But the panda says "Oh no I don't." and he (the panda) pulls out a gun!!! and pow! pow! shoots up the bar. The Panda starts to leave. The bartender says "Hey! you can't just leave after s hooting at us!" the panda says "Oh, yes I can. Look me up in the dictionary." So the panda leaves and the bartender gets out a dictionary and looks up panda. It says: "Panda - eats shoots and leaves."

A guy walks into a bar in the top of the Space Needle. A guy says to him "Hey, if you jump out the window, the air currents will spin you around a couple of times and then you'll fly right back in. Watch." So the man in the bar le aps out the window and what he says happens. He spins around and falls back in the room. The other man says "WOW! I want to try!" So he leaps out the window and falls and splats on the ground. The bartender says to the first man "Geeze Superman, you're re ally mean when you're drunk."

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Sorry." says the bartender. "We don't serve food here."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Mister," says the man sitting at the stool next to him, "That is the greenest drink that I have ever seen." So, the first guy says the punchline.

No, dumber than that.  Back to the Index!

This man is a god.  I am not worthy, but please let me e-mail him.