Comebacks to Commonly Asked Questions

Comebacks to Commonly Asked Questions

Tall people are asked the same questions repeatedly, which become tiresome after ten years or so. Despite some people having the best of intentions, one simply wants to smack people when they ask one of the following questions for the six thousandth time:

  • Just how tall are you?
  • Do you play basketball?
  • Why not?
  • Are your parents tall?
  • How big are your feet?
  • Didn't the Sacramento Kings try to recruit you?

    In addition, people sometimes feel compelled to volunteer the following helpful statement:

  • I know someone taller than you.

    If we were eager to answer the same questions repeatedly, tech support centers around the world would be staffed entirely by people over six foot five.

    After discussion with other tall people, I discovered that we all get the same questions. Amazing! Some people, such as myself, don't mind that much, and give more-or-less real answers. Others are more... brutal. Here are some responses you may get if you ask the wrong tall person one of the above questions:

  • "Why?" with a deadpan expression
  • What color are your underpants?
  • Is that your real hair color?
  • Were both of your parents midgets, or just the one?
  • Will they let you ride the rollercoaster at your height?
  • Do you ever get mugged by children?
  • Do you have your own Hobbit costume for Halloween?
  • Have you ever seen a parade?
  • Have you had that scalp problem for long?
  • Here, let me get that 10th floor button for you so you won't have to jump...
  • Are you a jockey?

    While the above responses are amusing, the best ones are direct comebacks to certain key phrases, to wit:

    Q: How is the weather up there?
    A: It's raining. (Spits).

    Q: Just how tall are you?
    A: About as tall as you are big around, it looks like.

    From David E. Swanson:
    Q: Do you play basketball?
    A: No, do you play miniature golf?

    The all-time favorite has to be:

    Q: How's it going, shorty?
    A: Shorty? Shorty's in your pants, pal.

    Remember: it's all fun and games until someone puts an eye out, and tall folks have got a significant reach advantage when it comes to gouging with sharp objects.


    @Man, World-Class Data Snuggler / First Interskate Productions / atman@ecst.csuchico.edu

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