MT humor

If you have to ask what this is, you may not understand.

So I told him: It doesn't matter *how* many pickled herring you use, or *what* the amperage is. If the guy's coughing up feathers at the end of the big dance number, he's TOAST.
mt
OK, I get the thing with the chicken. And the cottage-cheese-and-marbles thing is old hat. But DAMN! A weasel, a saguaro cactus, and three gallons of 10W40? Have you lost your mind?
mt
Where you release it is irrelevant! Regardless if you release it at Cannes, Sundance, or your grandmother's basement, no one will review your film because no one will see the ending! The big love scene between Linda Hunt and Dame Judy Densch will clear the theater!
mt
I told him: It doesn't *matter* if the penguin is over eighteen. It's a PENGUIN! Did he listen? No. So now he's wanted in both the Phillipines *and* Antarctica. (Who the heck is wanted in Antarctica?!?) On the other hand, he made youtube's top-10 list that week.
mt
So I said: Your Honor! You can clearly see the pneumatic hoses in People's Three. Right behind the 55 gallon drum of tapiocca and the chimpanzee cage. The loss of her body hair CANNOT rise to Criminal Indifference, since we'd called 911 LONG before she jumped off the tortoise. It's just a terrible mistake.
mt